Sri Beehivanandaji

Sri Beehivanandaji started life auspiciously as the youngest child in a family of 13 born to Pakrit, a Snake Charmer in the Trans-Bhutan Starlight Wonderwheel Circus, and his wife Lemura, the Leopard Wrestler. Her parents, fearful she would grow up neglected in their already massive brood, left her at the feet of their beloved teacher Ohno to be raised and educated in the ways of spirit.

A particularly gifted pupil, she was meditating by the time she reached three months of age. Her first words were "Om", "Ham" and "Eggs", and she stunned her teachers by spontaneously levitating at her third birthday party.

Throughout her early childhood, her knowledge of The Seven Sciences increased. She was a certified Ayurvedic physician upon entering Kindergarten. Widely recognized as a Yogi by seven years of age, she invented two hundred new asanas by eight. By now, her essays had appeared in countless academic journals and spiritual periodicals, and she had been a guest on the "Tonight Show" 6 times. At nine, she mastered telekinesis, thought transference, teleportation and the perfect Bouffant, left only to write her autobiography, "It's All Downhill From Here" at ten.

Burned out, disillusioned and slightly jaded, she dedicated her life to service on her eleventh birthday, and vowed to "change her act".

Since then she has led a quiet life, moving to Omaha, Nebraska, where she lives in a subterranean complex of caves on the banks of the Missouri River. She works part-time from home as a freelance triscuit weaver, and enjoys bowling, root beer, hairstyling, animals, and playing the bass trumpet. She shares her cave with her "best friends in the world" - her 17 pet cats: Lilabeth, Goethe, Edmund, Paratha, Charlemagne, Eloise, Chutney, Madras, Kulcha, Onionhead, Gandhi, Buster, Charo, Snowflake, Jasmine, Ipecac and Condoleeza.